


To The Very End

by Katarina_Claire



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Panic Attack, Season 2 spoilers, this made my heart hurt writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24642265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katarina_Claire/pseuds/Katarina_Claire
Summary: Oikawa, dealing with loss the only way he knows how. Iwaizumi, dealing with Oikawa the only way he knows how.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	To The Very End

Oikawa’s hand reached into the bin for a ball, but his fingertips brushed against the bottom. The bin was empty. He looked around at the gym, volleyballs scattered everywhere. His chest heaved from effort. Now that he had a moment to think, the past 24 hours were all coming back to him.

_ They lost. _

They lost to Karasuno. They lost to Kageyama. They lost to that idiotic orange-haired bouncy ball. They… lost.

Oikawa sank to his knees next to the bin. He hit the ground hard, his knee braces barely softening the blow. His injured knee took it hard, but he couldn’t feel the pain from it anymore. His hands clutched the edge of the bin so hard that his knuckles turned white. He rested his head against it, staring angrily down at the ground.

“Damn it… Damn it… DAMN IT!” He shoved the bin away from him, now resting on his hands and knees on the gymnasium floor. It felt like someone had reached through his chest and now had a death grip on his heart. Everything he had worked towards for the last how many years? It all meant nothing now. They didn’t even… They didn’t even make it to nationals.

He looked down at his hands and realized that… they were wet. Was it from the sweat? No. Droplets were actively falling from his face. Was he- Was he crying? Oikawa sat up and wiped at his eyes. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. Why wouldn’t they stop?

Oikawa wiped his tears off on his shoulder and stood, legs shaking from exhaustion. He picked a ball up and went to the back of the court. He took a steadying breath and threw it up in the air. Running after it, he leapt and felt the ball connect cleanly with the palm of his hand. The sound rang in the empty gym and it soared to the other side of the court.

“It went exactly where I wanted it to. My serves were good. My tosses were good. Everyone was  _ good. _ ” his voice started to shake as his chest heaved once more. His vision filled with black spots as his throat seized and cut off his airway. Once again, Oikawa collapsed onto the ground, but this time he didn’t get back up. He didn’t want to.

He clawed at his throat, trying to catch his breath. His limbs didn’t feel like his anymore. He didn’t feel grounded. He couldn’t breathe. He knew this would leave marks on his neck, but right now, he didn’t care. 

He replayed every single move that he made during the game over and over again. He thought about what he could have done differently to change the outcome, but it always came back to that last receive. He was the last person to touch the ball at match point. If he was just faster. If he was better. If he had just practiced a  _ little bit  _ more, then maybe things would have been different and they would have gone to nationals instead of those god _ damn  _ crows…

Oikawa wasn’t sure how long he was on the floor of the gymnasium. He lost track of time and perhaps lost consciousness once or twice. Once his body got over the exhaustion, the pain really set in. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to walk normally again. His knee felt like it was on fire and he could feel the way his joint was grinding against bone.

The next time he came back to consciousness, the gym was dark. The lights were on a motion sensor, so when there was no movement for a while, they would automatically turn off. It must have been at least 10 minutes since he last moved. The silence in the gym was deafening and he knew that he needed to move soon. He couldn’t let his team see him like this in the morning. He had to go home and collect himself, but he just couldn’t bring himself to move.

Suddenly, the lights turned on.  _ Fuck.  _ Oikawa tried to prop his body up on his arms to see who it was, even though in his heart, he already knew. He sat up, pushing past the pain and trying to get up onto his legs. His knee gave out when he was almost up and he fell against the wood.

“Iwaizumi, it’s not what it looks like.”

Iwaizumi crossed the length of the gym in seconds, eyebrows furrowed. His eyes were red and puffy too, which wasn’t a great look, but who was he to judge? He couldn’t even imagine what he looked like. 

“It’s exactly what it looks like, shittykawa.” Iwaizumi bent down and checked his body. Surprisingly gentle fingers traced over his neck. Oikawa winced, feeling some of the scratches burn as his fingers went over them. Then he checked his knee. He withdrew his hands as soon as a cry left Oikawa’s lips. “Did you have a panic attack again? You only scratch when you have episodes.”

“I guess so, but I’m fine now. Just… help me clean? I can’t let the team find me like this.”

Iwaizumi put an arm underneath his arms and hooked the other under his knees, picking him up with a grunt. “I’ll put everything away. You just sit here.” he dropped Oikawa onto one of the benches and turned away, picking up the balls once by once and throwing them into the cart. As he cleaned, Oikawa looked up at the clock on the wall. 1AM. He had been out of it for over an hour then.

Oikawa looked at his ace sadly. Iwaizumi hit every toss and did everything right. He shouldn’t be held back by him. A mediocre captain and mediocre friend.

Iwaizumi threw a volleyball at him. He caught it, but not before it hit him in the chest. “Hey, idiot. You’re thinking something stupid again, aren’t you?”

Oikawa looked up at the looming figure. “Yeah… how’d you know?”

Iwaizumi took the volleyball and threw it into the bin. “Your face always gets a little more ugly when you have stupid thoughts.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He watched Iwaizumi roll the bin into the supply closet. Oikawa tested putting some weight on his leg, but it was no use. He had really messed it up this time. It would take more than a few hours to return to normal. Iwaizumi would kill him.

“Can you stand?” Iwaizumi asked, looking down at his knee.

Oikawa kept his gaze on the ground, knowing what was coming. Iwaizumi would yell at him or hit him or both. He would tell him how stupid he was for not taking care of his body. He would tell him that he owed him ten bowls of ramen.

But none of that came.

Instead, Iwaizumi crouched in front of him. “Get on. I’m taking you home.”

Oikawa hesitated, but Iwaizumi wasn’t going to let him refuse. At this point, that was probably the only option he had. He pushed himself up onto Iwaizumi’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Arms hooked underneath him to support him as Iwaizumi stood.

It was a good thing they both lived nearby, Oikawa thought as they walked in the dark street. Only the moon and occasional streetlight lit the way, but he trusted Iwaizumi not to drop him. “Iwa-chan?”

The black-haired man grunted.

“I’m sorry.”

He turned back to look at Oikawa. “For what?”

“That last receive… I should have gotten it.” Oikawa put his head down on Iwaizui’s shoulder. He didn’t really have the guts to look his best friend in the eye. He had let him down for sure. He didn’t deserve to look at him.

“You idiot.” Iwaizumi shifted him up so he was more comfortable. He was strong, but Oikawa  _ was  _ still taller than him. He wasn’t light. “No one on the team is blaming you, least of all me.”

“I was the last person to touch the ball. We could have made it to nationals, Iwa-chan, but I messed up.” 

Iwaizumi sighed. “You should have never been the last person… You sent me a perfect toss, Tooru. I should have made that point.” 

They arrived at Oikawa’s home soon enough. Iwaizumi just walked in, having been here just an hour before looking for him. His family was asleep already, expecting the two of them to return. This was a common occurrence.

“We were so close.”

“I know.” 

Iwaizumi made his way up the stairs and into Oikawa’s room, setting him down on the bed. He should shower. He should clean up a little. But right now, he needed to lay down and they both needed to work through this.

“We did everything right.”

“I know.”

Tears started forming in Oikawa’s eyes again, his face scrunching into an ugly expression. He curled up into a ball and hugged his knees to his chest, the way he did when they were children. “Then why aren’t we going to national!?” He yelled into his arms. “Why did those two  _ first-years  _ with less than a year of experience make it? We worked our asses off, Iwa-chan. It all meant  _ nothing _ .” he sobbed into his pillow.

“Tooru.”

Oikawa looked up, eyes already red and puffy. He looked like a mess, but to his surprise, so did Iwaizumi. He was never as dramatic of a crier, but when Iwaizumi cried… it broke Tooru’s heart just the same. He tried to stay strong for him all the time, but it was moments like this that reminded him that his best friend was human too.

“Iwa-chan.” He sat up and wrapped his arms around his best friend. The shuddering sobs that came from Iwaizumi shocked him to the core. He’d seen him cry plenty of times, but this wasn’t just sadness. This was the end. This was a goodbye. Oikawa pulled him into bed with him, the two of them laying facing each other with foreheads pressed together. 

They cried together like this for a while, both of them trying to comfort the other. Neither of them knew how much time passed, but eventually both of them ran out of tears to cry.

“You’re the best partner that I can boast,” Iwaizumi said to break the silence. “You’re a really amazing setter. Even if we end up on different teams, that won’t change.” 

Oikawa shook his head. “I won’t ever trust someone the way I did you for all these years. I’ll toss to whoever I need to, but it will never be the same, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi sighed and held his friend closer, the way he would when they were kids and Oikawa was crying over nothing. “You say that now, but there will be better players. You’ll learn to trust your team, whoever it turns out to be.”

Oikawa felt a surge of panic take over. He clutched Iwaizumi’s shirt and pulled. “No! No it won’t! Iwa… Hajime. I love you.”

There was a beat of silence as the words registered in the other man’s brain. Oikawa was afraid to meet his eyes. He hadn’t meant to say what he said. Now that they were most likely going to go separate ways, it was selfish of him to bring up his feelings, but there was no going back now.

“I love you. I don’t know when things changed, but I realized a while ago that I didn’t just want to be your friend.” Oikawa looked up at him with pleading eyes. “I love you. I only want you. Don’t leave me.”

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything or show any kind of outward reaction. With every second that passed, Oikawa could feel his heart break a little more. He shouldn’t have said anything. Iwaizumi didn’t feel the same way. He just wanted to be friends and nothing else. How could he be so stupid.

Before his thoughts could spiral again, Iwaizumi crushed his lips against his, effectively cutting off his thoughts and taking his breath away.

Oikawa closed his eyes and kissed back, his arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. He’d been dreaming of this for years. He was afraid that if he opened his eyes, he would wake up alone in bed like every other time. But this time was for real. The lips moving against his were  _ real  _ and it was better than anything he imagined.

His lips were soft and he tasted sweet. His scent was addicting and Oikawa wanted to drown in him.

“Tooru.” Oikawa’s eyes lazily opened to meet his. “I love you too.”

“Again…” Oikawa murmured, curling up against Iwaizumi’s chest. “Can you say it again?”

“I love you, Tooru.” Iwaizumi repeated it again and again, punctuating each repetition with a kiss. Every time, Oikawa felt a part of him heal. Suddenly, he wasn’t thinking about that game anymore and he wasn’t thinking about nationals. All he could think about was that his best friend loved him too. Iwaizumi loved him. Iwazumi really loved him.

And that was how he fell asleep. Wrapped in Iwaizumi’s arms, being showered with kisses and whispers of love and dedication. Iwaizumi stayed awake until he heard Oikawa’s breathing even out. 

“I will never leave your side. I’m here until the very end.”


End file.
